“I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire, unless I was pissing petrol.” – British farmer on politician George Galloway.
Puffington Host announces most popular baby names of 2014 and Shebootaquae is not one of them. Google returns no hits for Shebootaquae. I am crushed.
New Bill I’d like to see in Congress: If you are 22, a virgin, and mentally unstable, then you get a voucher for a free night at the brothel of your choice or the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada.
Publix Bag Boy stops at door: I can’t go any further. We had lightning earlier.
Me: But it’s okay if I go out there?
Me: and die?
WikiLeaks announces its Swedish servers are run by Lisbeth Salandar*. Pentagon Cyber-warfare team cancels planned attacks. Smart guys.
* for those of you living on a desert island without adequate beach reading materials, Lisbeth Salander is the Girl With the Dragon Tatoo.
The Hispanic Domestic Union angry that Russian Spies are called “illegals”. Says proper term is “undocumented espionage workers”.