“I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire, unless I was pissing petrol.” – British farmer on politician George Galloway.
New Bill I’d like to see in Congress: If you are 22, a virgin, and mentally unstable, then you get a voucher for a free night at the brothel of your choice or the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada.
Publix Bag Boy stops at door: I can’t go any further. We had lightning earlier.
Me: But it’s okay if I go out there?
Me: and die?
If a synchronized skater falls down, do the others have to fall down, too?
Who knew? Natural gas from Slim Jims is explosive?
The answering machine is out today. This is the refrigerator. Leave your message and I’ll put it on a sticky note and slap it on my face.
Bumper Stickerz: I couldn’t afford surgery so I photoshopped my face.